Alexis looked over her glasses to see him standing in the doorway to her office, his shoulder leaning against the door frame

He was handsome in his suit, he always was

So handsome he could make her forget… again

He would say he needed a haircut, the way the ends of his hair where beginning to curl slightly and she wondered if he had changed his tie at least three times that morning…

He had on a tie she had bought him, it was blue

He looked good in blue; he knew that because she told him so

“Hi”

The word out of her mouth seemed to echo

“Hi”

She hesitated for a moment unsure of what to say next, much less certain of why he was there

“You can sit…If you want”

Ric sat, but on the edge of the chair

Alexis studied his face

“Is something wrong?” She asked almost as if she were ready to panic “The girls?”

“No, no everything’s um fine”

“Ok”

Ric pulled the papers from the inside of his suit pocket

Alexis stopped breathing; she understood why Ric suddenly seemed so pale

“Oh” 

“I just wanted…”

“Um… thanks” She said emotionlessly as she reached out for the divorce papers “You…” she cleared her throat “You didn’t have to bring them by”

“I know, but I wanted to…”

“Well I’ll um sign them… and get them back to you, I’m um busy right now so if it’s ok I’ll sign them later…” her voice trailed off

Her tone, her body language had completely changed the moment he pulled the blue wrapped papers from his pocket

“Take your time… I mean I’m not rushing you… We don’t have to even do this. You and I…”

“I’ll um get them to you as soon as possible”

“Alexis”

Ric watched as Alexis tried to slowly let out the breath she had obviously been holding

“You know… I think the sooner we get this over with the better. Then I can get on with my life and you can do whatever it is you want to do”

Ric felt a clinching in his chest. He would have thought he was having a heart attack but he knew it was just her

She began to shuffle, she was a great shuffler. Papers, folders, staplers, anything she could get her hands on to shuffle

Ric didn’t try and stop her; he only felt his own heart race as he watched her

He would pull the band aid off quick… why cause more pain

“I’ll go”

Ric was half way out the door before Alexis could pretend to protest

“I’ll give you a call when they’re signed”

Ric shook his head

+++++++++++++

She threw her glasses on her desk and she dug the palm’s of her hands in to her eyes

A part of her wanted to cry, the other part scream

She picked up her phone and held it to her ear until there was no longer a dial tone

She sat the phone back down

Glasses back on as she ruffled the stack she had made from when she “shuffled” everything on her desk before

Words, hundreds of words… they all looked the same

She picked up the phone again

“Hey it’s me…”

“What’s up?”

“I just received my divorce papers”

“You ok?”

“Yeah… he brought them by”

“What a gentleman”

Alexis let out a breathy laugh in response

“Hey, hey are you ok?” Jax asked again

She was silent for a moment

“Sorry… it was silly of me to bother you”

“Bother me? Alexis… I’ll be there in a second if you need me”

“No, no I’m fine… I need to go; I’ll um talk to you later ok”

“Alexis… Ok” Jax said still concerned

She went back to the words on the pages in front of her, but the papers wrapped in blue seemed to bleed through her

How could she still love him? How could he still make her feel the way he did? He hurt her, Ric Lansing lied to her over and over, used her to get back at his brother, cheated on her… Why did he still make her feel the way she did? She should hate him by now…

But she didn’t. There was a part of her that wished she could just forgive him like he had asked of her repeatedly… but she couldn’t do that either

She picked up the divorce papers mulling over them in her hand

Alexis suddenly picked up a pen

But she didn’t sign her name… she just sat there a pen in her left hand, her divorce papers in her right

Her lip sinking between her teeth

“So you’re having a bad day?”

Alexis face lit up for a moment at the site of Jax standing there

“Seem that obvious?”

“There’s a dark cloud looming over your head”

“Seems appropriate I guess…”

“You ok?”

“I believe you’ve already asked me that”

“And I’ll keep asking until I get the answer I want to hear”

“Well I haven’t completely fallen apart… that should count for something right?” she said honestly

“Absolutely” Jax teased

Alexis grinned

“Sorry I’m throwing myself a pity party for one over here”

“Well in that case I wouldn’t want you partying alone… mind if I join you?” he said gesturing to the chair in front of her

“Of course not! Sit!”

“I thought about just bringing you a bottle whiskey to help drown your sorrows… But I decided on these instead” Jax said as he sat down the cup of coffee and the white paper bag in front of her

Alexis looked at him intrigued and then peeked in to the bag

“Truffles? You brought me coffee and truffles?”

“Better for drowning your sorrows”

Alexis stood to give Jax a kiss from across her desk

“Ah just the reaction I wanted” he said grinning

“Thank you but I told you didn’t have to stop by”

“I was just bringing you a little afternoon snack”

“Jax” she said grinning incredulously as she reached in to the bag

She took a bite in to the truffle “mmm, so good” she said holding what was left of the truffle out to Jax to share

“Good huh?” she said laughing at the look on his face

“So you wanna talk about it?”

“I thought you came to make me feel better”

“I did but I think you would feel a lot better if you didn’t keep your feeling bottled up inside…”

“I like them bottled up inside” Alexis pouted

“I know it doesn’t feel good, I know you’re hurting…”

Alexis leaned back in her chair pressing the back of her head against the cool leather

“Alexis…” Jax said watching her

Tears streamed from the sides of both of her

“Lex” Jax said as he got up to catch the tears now flowing steadily down her cheeks

Jax took her in his arms and held her tight

“It will be ok, I know it hurts”

“I don’t want to feel this way… I don’t want to love him or hold on to him anymore”

“It takes time”

“I hate this”

“I know, I know”

She cried in his arms before suddenly springing up, pushing the tears from her face

“I’m ok”

“Lex”

“No, he’s just doing it again; he’s getting the best of me… I’m crying over him and I don’t want to! Not anymore!”

“You’re hurt and it’s ok to be hurt. We’ve discussed this”

“I know but I can’t hurt like this anymore and you can’t let me ok?”

“I, uh, I…” Jax stumbled on his words for a second “Ok I won’t let you hurt anymore…”

“I’m going to be ok Jax, just like you said you would be with John, the girls and I we’re going to be ok”

“I know you will be” He said flashing his million dollar grin

Alexis stood up and paced around the room for a moment as Jax watched her

He could tell her mind was racing a million miles a minute, maybe as fast as her heart

Suddenly she stopped

“I want to do it”

“You want to do what?”

“I want to go and look at that house”

“House? The house?”

“Yes, I’m just stopping myself from getting on with my own life… so I want to look at that house with you; I love the idea of having you and John in mine and the girls’ life… I need you and I need something new… I need a life that doesn’t revolve around Ric Lansing”

“Alexis you know I want you to go look at the house with me, you know I want you there with me but don’t make a hasty decision because you’re trying to prove to yourself that you can get over Ric and fast…”

“I’m not trying to be hasty, I need this Jax. I need to let myself just have something else and be something else… I want to be happy. You make me happy…”

She stood there almost breathless… she had stated her peace and tried to set herself free all in the same moment

Jax had now made himself comfortable in her chair behind her desk as he watched her unsure if he were watching her make revelations or unravel

“You’re thinking I’ve finally lost it”

“No I’m just letting you do what you need to do”

Alexis stopped to look at him

“Thank you” she said calmly

“You’re welcome” Jax said as he stood

He walked towards Alexis; he kissed her gently and then reached for the coffee and chocolates he had brought her

“Hey you’re taking them back?”

“You obviously don’t need any more sugar and caffeine…” he kidded

Alexis gave him the evil eye

“You brought it on yourself!” She kidded back

“How about you and the girls have dinner with me and John tonight… I’ll order everyone’s favorite from the grill… and I’ll give you your truffles back”

“Fine” Alexis said pretending to be annoyed

Jax kissed her simply once again

“Jax…”

“Yeah”

“Can I at least have the coffee back…? I’ll be calm I promise”

Jax grinned holding out the cup to her

“Thank you” she said grinning back