Remembering Me

Ch. 1

Do you think you can feel your heart stop beating? I thought I felt mine. At first I didn’t know what was happening to me but then I heard a continuous sound blaring through out the room and someone was pounding on my chest. Loud, everything seemed so loud. My ears where being pierced by all of the noise…

And what were they saying? One unrecognizable voice after the other speaking in a foreign language, were they speaking English?  I tried to translate in my head but they were talking too fast, too loud and I could only make out a few words. They said my name, ‘Natasha’ repeatedly. It made me want to open my eyes; it made me at least want to have the common courtesy to acknowledge that I could hear them and that yes my name was Natasha. Whatever they were saying to me, I could hear them.

Hovering over me, pounding on my chest, they were hurting me. Every pound jolted me, making me choke on my own breath. I wanted to say, “stop” but I couldn’t. Physically I couldn’t open my eyes; mentally the words I wanted to say didn’t match their words. Why? Who were they? More so who am I?

I am Natasha but who am I? And where am I? And am I about to die? Aren’t I supposed to see a white light or feel something more peaceful than this pounding?

The blaring sound suddenly came to a more quiet rhythmic sound. The sound of my heart beating in my chest went along with the rhythmic sound. The pounding stopped. No one said my name again. No one said anything.

Now just me and a soothing, rhythmic sound

I willed for my eyes to open, but nothing. I tried to move. I wanted to run, though I didn’t know where to run to. All I knew was by body ached. My face felt swollen; maybe that’s why I couldn’t open my eyes? I knew I was in pain, too much pain

I wondered how long they would let me be there. How long before someone said my name again? How long?

*******

Dr. Patrick Drake and Dr. Monica Quartermaine stood side by side. The look on their faces was of sympathy. One would question was the look on their face a learned emotion or one they truly felt?

Monica took a deep, silent breath in

“To tell you the truth, she’s lucky. I think it’s a miracle she’s alive” she said solemnly as her eyes moved to each of the three men sitting about the waiting area of the ICU at General Hospital

“Is she ok?” Nicholas asked innocently as if he were suddenly 10 years old and too young to fully understand what had happen to his aunt “I mean what are we looking at?”

“She had to be resuscitated twice… and she’s beat up pretty seriously. Broken ribs, pelvis, and left elbow and of course the head injuries…. like I said she’s lucky to be alive”

Jax immediately stood and began to pace behind Monica and Patrick nervously

Ric only sat there peering occasionally through his hands

“And the swelling in her brain?” Jax said stopping just long enough to ask his question “How is that going to affect her? How long will it take her to recover?”

“We did the best we could with what we could, but we’re not sure yet.” Patrick said speaking up “We’ll have to wait and see when she wakes up if there was any damage done. She took some pretty severe blows to the head…”

“Will she wake up?” Ric asked bluntly when he finally spoke

Both Jax and Nicholas fixated on the doctors for an answer

Monica took a moment to look again at the three men there before her. They were worn and tired. Their eyes red, five o’clock shadowed faces, hair tousled, clothes rumpled… They had been there too long already

“We don’t know if she’ll wake up” Monica answered honestly as she took a quick glance at Patrick “But we also don’t know if she could wake up in 30 minutes or 30 days” she revised

Why give them false hope, it was true she was lucky to be alive but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t die

“I actually need to go and check on her, they were getting her settled into ICU when we saw her last, Ric someone will come to get you when you can see her ok”

That sympathetic look again from Dr. Drake

Ric only buried his hands into his eyes as he shook is head ok

*********

That sound, that rhythmic sound beating with my heart has been constant now. It wasn’t long before someone; maybe more than one came and got me. They moved me. I felt myself moving by the shift in temperature from the cold air to the warm air to cold again… room to room. I felt sick. I was still in pain but I felt sick to my stomach. Maybe moving me or whatever they had given me in the needle in my arm was making me sick? Maybe it was just the pain?

This feeling only made me forget for a second that when they moved me, they called me by a different name. I am certain that they did. They called me ‘Alexis’ two if not three times. I’m confused who ‘Alexis’ is and why are they mistaking me for her?

They’ve covered me with warm blankets now. I wanted to clinch my body with each layer they pulled on top of me. Didn’t they realize how badly I was hurt? Maybe my injuries were only on the inside and they couldn’t see what had happen to me. How would I ever tell them what had happen to me? Don’t they see bruises or scars where this has happen to me before?

**********

“Viola came and got the girls from Ms. Lansbury. She said not to worry about them they’ll be fine” Nicholas said as he sat down beside Ric

“I’ll call later, check on them” He said blankly

“Anything?” Nicholas asked as Jax came from outside the waiting room and back in to the chair beside them

“Nothing” he answered disappointedly

“Who would do this to her?” Nicholas questioned for the hundredth time

Jax only clenched his eyes shut as he shook his head

A moment of silence went by

“Are you kidding me?” Ric asked sounding disgusted that Jax and Nicholas were suddenly innocent to Alexis’ whole life “Who would do this to her? I don’t know say her step-mother? Have you forgotten she’s a Cassadine? Or, or someone who didn’t like who she was defending, have you forgotten she’s a high profile defense attorney? Have you forgotten that her daughter’s father is in the mob? You’re questioning who would do this to her?”

“Ric! We haven’t forgotten any of that. We just can’t fathom right now anyone doing!”

“They wanted to beat her to death… she’s a beautiful, smart, attorney, with two little girls and someone wanted to brutally murder her” Ric said blankly as if every thought in his brain were spilling out between his lips

“Ric, she’ll get through this. She’s alive, she’s been through a lot and she’s proven she’s not going anywhere…” Jax assured

“Maybe I’m not sure how much more she can take…her whole life has been one thing after the other… she’s not invincible Jax! She’s human. She breakable… human…”

Nicholas suddenly found it hard to swallow thinking of what pain she must be in. What pain she was in lying there until someone found her… She was invincible to him. She always had been. She always got through everything that was ever thrown at her from Helena, to the death of most of their family, to her children. She was strong, she was stubborn, and she always made it through. The lump in his throat told him maybe Ric was right this time, maybe she couldn’t take much more if not physically, mentally this might have been all she could take

“Ric” The sound of Elizabeth’s voice was soft as she walked towards them “They have her resting if you’d like to see her”

He hadn’t seen her. He hadn’t seen her since that morning. He made her eggs, toast, coffee and he made her drink a small glass of orange juice against her will. She had on a grey suit, black heels. He remembered how sexy she looked. He remembered how he wished she didn’t have to be in court so early because he would have taken her back to bed… but there she was in her grey suit, and using Molly for an excuse not to drink her orange juice

He watched her kiss Kristina goodbye in between a hundred questions and her last attempts to see Molly smile before she had to work. He kissed not once but twice catching her before the door closed behind her…

“Lunch maybe?”

“I’ll call if I have time”

“Ok, love you”

“Love you”

The elevator door closed

He hadn’t seen her since…

Ric was told she never made it to the courthouse. It wasn’t like her to be late for court. She loved being in court… She never made it.

No one had seen her

No one had scene her until a man, a stranger out for his morning run saw her body

She was brought in before 9AM; it was now almost midnight, Ric hadn’t seen her since

“Ric I want to prepare you. She’s been through a lot of trauma… Ric…” Elizabeth said tugging at his arm knowing he hadn’t heard a word she was saying only focusing on getting to Alexis, but he wasn’t prepared “Ric” she repeated “I need you to listen to me. She doesn’t look …”

“I know, I know just let me see her”

“Ric her body is swollen, cut and bruised badly. I want you to be prepared” Elizabeth continued calmly

Ric looked at her then shook his head

Elizabeth opened the door to Alexis’ room

She heard Ric catch his breath “Oh God, oh God” he said repeatedly

His knees went weak

She placed her hand at his back to steady him “Ric maybe you should just let her…”

“No, no, it’s her, it’s her, and I just have to get use to seeing her…”

Suddenly he couldn’t catch his breath, actually he didn’t remember taking another breathe after seeing her. Tears streamed down his face one after the other. A grown man now crying, balling uncontrollably. He couldn’t stop and Elizabeth didn’t try and stop him. He needed to grieve for his wife, for the woman he loved lying there unrecognizable

*************

When this happened to me before, when I was sent to the hospital I mean, I recovered quickly. The second time was a little harder… This time… I just don’t remember being in so much pain. This is a whole different kind of pain. I had bones broken before. Ribs broken before and they  hurt terribly with every breath I took, this time the pain runs through me, it makes me feel hot and I’m still nauseous

I can hear someone crying. I wanted to ask why he is cryin? I want to comfort him; he obviously needs someone to comfort him. If I could open my eyes...

*************

“Can she hear me?”

Elizabeth shook her head yes “I think so” as she helped Ric pull the chair next to Alexis’ bed and sit down beside her

He questioned should he touch her. His own wife, he didn’t know if he should touch her

Of all the times he wanted to touch, to kiss every inch of her, now he questioned was it ok to touch her at all

“Is she in pain?”

“We have her on morphine”

Ric shook his head that was enough of an answer

“Elizabeth?”

“Yeah”

“Monica didn’t say…” Ric stopped himself. Mentally trying to place the words on the tip of his tongue in order “Monica, she, she didn’t say anything about her being um, raped. Was, was she?”

“No” Elizabeth said quickly “No Ric there were no signs that she was raped”

“Ok” was all he said but relieved

“I’ll stay if you need me to”

Ric shook his head no

“I’ll be back soon to give her more meds. Just press the call button if you need anything ok?”

Her perfect, long, thin fingers. Musicians would kill to have to have fingers like hers…

She could play the piano. Not many people knew, because she never played and in fact she never told Ric, Jax did.

Two martinis in, Jax told on her. He told a story about them staying at a hotel in Paris that had a piano in its penthouse. Jax caught her; he stopped and listened to her tinker with the keys until her memory found the right notes and he just listened, surprised by the every so mysterious Alexis Davis

Ric ran his pointer finger gently down each of her fingers on her right hand. Her fingernails dirty, still blood stained, her hands, her knuckles scratched and bruised… it meant she fought.  He looked at her up and down making note of bandages and stitches and how she was literally held together from head to toe

Ric lowered his voice “I don’t know who did this to you. I don’t know why anyone would. Despite all of these theories I’ve conjured up I just can’t understand why anyone would chose to do something so terrible to you… you’ve been through so much and it isn’t fair…” Ric stopped himself, taking a deep breath in and then out “I can hear you now… you saying, “See I told you! It’s the Cassadine curse!”

************

Cassadine, yes I’m a Cassadine! You know me. Who are you? How do you know me? I know it seems silly but I think it is a curse, a curse Helena, my step-mother has put on me. She wants me to suffer… this isn’t the first time

************

“Alexis if you can hear me…”

************

Alexis? Who is Alexis? I’m not Alexis! My name is Natasha

************

“If you can hear me, I, I love you and I’ll be here every second, when you open your eyes, and until you walk out of here I promise. I love you ok? I love you. The girls love you… Alexis we need you ok? We need you… And we can’t be without you”

*************

Who are you? Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Who are the girls? What girls? I’m confused. Will you explain? Maybe if you explained… I’m sorry I’m trying to recognize your voice… English, you’re speaking English and I understand you. How can I suddenly understand you when I couldn’t before? What’s happening to me? Who are you? And you’re touching me…

*************

“Ric I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s time to give her more meds”

“If she does wake up, you think she’ll ever be the same?”

Elizabeth tried to think of anything encouraging to say, but she couldn’t think of the right words

“She’s been through a lot Ric… psychologically she’s been through a lot. We’ll have to wait and see what the effect of the head trauma is…”

“So if she’s not permanently debilitated by blows to her head, best case scenario is she’ll be traumatized and just never get over it?”

“Ric you know Alexis”

“I don’t know this Alexis” he said as tears began to form again in his eyes

“Her bruises and her bones and everything you see will heal. Everything else I know you will and can deal with when the time comes”

“I didn’t mean to say all of that”

“You’re just scared, I know”

“I love her with every ounce of my being Elizabeth”

“Just tell her, she’ll hear you”