“Alexis?”

“It’s open!”

Alexis looked over the stack of boxes to see Ric shutting the door behind him

“Hi”

She hadn’t spoken to him since the day before yesterday in the park with Peter

“Hi”

It wasn’t a comfortable greeting. It was a ‘I feel like I’ve caught you with another man but I can’t let you know I know greeting’

“Packing?”

“Trying”

“Can I help?”

Alexis stopped what she was doing, giving her attention to Ric

“Did you really come to help?”

“I want to”

“Ok” Alexis said handing him a box

Ric looked away from her guiltily and began helping her with the books she was packing

Law books, children’s books…

One more part of his life packed neatly in a box

“Where are the girls?”

“With Jax and Courtney”

Ric shook his head and again placed another book in the box

Their conversations short

Alexis watched him

“I need to talk to you” he said finally

“About?” She said now giving her attention back to her own stack of books, satisfied that he was now willing to say what was on his mind

Ric didn’t continue right away only picked up the next book closest to him silently reading the spine

Alexis stopped again

“Ric?”

He was hesitating

Ric sat down on the arm of the chair looking up at her

She was beautiful

Her hair in a ponytail, her bangs pushed out of the way… a faded Yale Law School t-shirt and what she called her “comfy pants”… she was beautiful

She was the Alexis she let so few see…

“This may be foolish… or maybe it’s not. I mean maybe I’m jumping to conclusions or I’m jealous…”

He was fidgeting, fumbling

“Honey?”

Honey… she called him honey

Ric looked up at her

She had just called him “honey” and he was about to ask her this question

“Do I have a chance?” he asked finally

“What? What do you mean do you have a chance?”

She was confused

“Alexis, I want this family. I want you… I want you” he said as his voice trailed off

“And we agreed to work on it…”

“We did but I can’t help it. Like I said maybe its jealousy or maybe I am jumping to conclusions but…”

“Ric what are you saying?”

“Are you falling in love with Peter?”

Blunt

There he said it

Alexis opened her mouth but she was too caught off guard to say anything

“Falling in love with…” she repeated

“I know I ruined what we had Alexis but I thought if I tried hard enough we could get what we had back and we could be even stronger…”

“I, I, Ric um…”

She couldn’t form a sentence and she desperately wanted him to stop talking

“Peter and I are just friends…”

“He wants you to be more than friends!” Ric shot back

“And that’s ok with me” she said calmly

Ric took a moment making sure he heard her correctly

“So you are falling for him?”

Heartbroken filled his voice

“Ric… I’m not… You and I… we are trying to work this out. But I can’t put my life on hold and wait for us to happen again…”

“Buying a new house, a new man, your life doesn’t seem on hold”

“Ric please!”

Ric tried to calm down, his emotions had gotten the best of him

“I’m sorry”

“Look, Peter and I are just friends. But I won’t lie to you and say that having him suddenly come in to my life is some inconvenience.  He’s charming and seems to just be a good man who is interested in me! Just me! No agenda, no past connections, just interested in bringing me flowers and taking walks in the park!”

She was getting emotional herself

“And I can’t blame you for wanting that! And I can’t blame him for wanting to win your affection, for wanting you to fall for him but I have to ask at least where I stand because I know how easy it must be for you to want to be with a man who doesn’t…” Ric stopped his argument trying to think before he spoke aloud

“A man who doesn’t what?”  Have baggage?  Who doesn’t keep secrets or tell lies? A man who isn’t a constant reminder of how heartbreaking my life has been over the past year and a half?” Her jaw clenched “And Ric it’s not about what I want… it’s about what I need!”

What she needed

The conversation she and Peter had in the park

About what she wanted, what she needed

About what she deserved

“I want to give you that” Ric said now in a more calming voice “I want to know what you want and what you need”

Alexis let out a deep breath

“Maybe I’m not sure even what the difference between what I want and what I need is anymore” she said frustrated

“Maybe you don’t need to know the difference. Alexis you can have both what you want and what you need”

“I’m not sure if I can have both” She said sitting down on the arm of the couch opposite of him “Because I’m not sure if you’re both of those things anymore”

It was harsh

It stung

Truth and reality

Ric not being what she wanted and what she needed…

Was he slowly becoming neither?

Ric clinched his eyes shut

She looked away

His hands running through his hair

She reached for his face

The familiar way she touched him

The way she would slide the soft palm of her hand down his jaw line to reassure him

Ric turned so his lips could press in to the palm of her hand

His heart pounding

Her heart racing

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” he said again his eyes clinched shut

“No… don’t be, don’t be sorry anymore ok”

Ric looked up at Alexis

“You and I we’re past apologizing for what we’ve been through. Remember we’re supposed to be rebuilding…”

“But how can I try and rebuild what’s between us if he’s winning your heart?”

It was good and honest question

“Alexis what if Peter turns out to be what you want and what you need?”

Alexis bit at her bottom lip

She didn’t know

She didn’t know the answer and she definitely didn’t know how she should feel about it

Alexis rubbed at her eyes and she found herself quietly trying to catch her breath

“I need some air ok”

Ric looked up at her

Her chest noticeably rising and falling

Rising and falling

“Alexis?”

Alexis tugged at the neck of her t-shirt as she stood walking towards the French doors, leaving him sitting there

“Alexis?” Ric repeated as he followed her

She didn’t answer

Beads of sweat

Her breaths shallow

White as a ghost

“Alexis!”

She turned, she reached out for him, her own two legs useless

He caught her just in time

End Ch. 8