“Those two big boxes over there and the ones stacked up against the wall are ready too” Alexis instructed as the movers took more boxes to load on the truck

“You’re not doing too much?”

The sound of his voice startled her

Her eyes shot towards the doorway where Ric was standing

“Actually Jax has made sure everything is working like clockwork…”

“I was asking about you specifically”

“I’m fine…”  

Her voice was cold as she answered quickly

Ric kept his hands shoved in his jeans pocket…guilty

He waited for the two men to take a load out the door before he took any steps further inside the apartment

“I know you’re mad at me”

“You’re right I am” She said without hesitation

She didn’t take her eyes off of him

He would drown in the dark pools of her eyes, so he tried to look away

“My emotions got the best of me and I took it out on Peter… I didn’t mean to… Alexis I was worried about you and I…”

“And you what couldn’t control yourself? You were so worried about me, about my health, my well being that you thought fighting with Peter would solve it?”

“He showed up at the wrong time”

It was a bad explanation

No explanation Ric had would be good enough

“What does that mean he showed up at the wrong time? Does it mean you would have hit the next person coming down the hall? You waiting for your excuse to get at Peter!”

“Alexis just please clam down” Ric said coolly in hopes that it would calm her

“You say that! And a part of me sincerely thinks you want me to calm down. That you really do want me to be stress free and happy but you still do this to me! And just when I needed you to be strong, when I needed you to just be there for me, to be my husband… you were out in the hallway throwing punches!”

“That’s just it I was being your husband. Blame it on male ego or whatever you want but I already felt like I had caused you to be in the hospital that day and I couldn’t help you, I can’t fix anything that is wrong between us! So when Peter showed up I was ready to hit him…”

“Why?”

“Why? Why? Because he’s trying to take my wife”

“You’re wife? Are you kidding me? What, someone is showing interest in “your wife” and you’ve now decided that you want me whole heartedly?”

“Alexis you know that isn’t how it is. You know how much I love you!”

“No I don’t… and I’m not sure if I ever have. You make a fool of me”

“Please don’t say that, I never want to do that!”

“But you do… Ric how many promises can we make? Whatever it is between us, our family, sex , battling of the minds… whatever it is it’s obviously not working! You say you want me, you say you want our family but you’re not making it happen!”

All of this was flowing out of her mouth

It was easy to say, the hurt, the frustration…

It was as if she had practiced, as if she had said it before

“I know you don’t believe me but I’m trying. But when I see you with Peter, when I see the affect he has on you, the way he makes you happy… The way he isn’t some kind of reminder of your heart literally breaking, I just… I just hit him…”

Alexis took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the large box left in the center of the living room

The movers interrupted

Both Ric and Alexis looked around the room trying desperately to focus on something to pass the seconds

The movers quickly gathered more boxes and didn’t ask Alexis questions this time, sensing what was going on

Tears in Ric’s eyes

He tried to blink quickly to hold them in

“It happened to me…it snuck up on me and I truly never thought it would happen to me but it did” she said shaking her head

Ric pay close attention to what she was saying

“I want it all” she said looking to Ric “I mean all of it… The career, the husband, the kids, the house… hell maybe I’ll get a dog! I’ve had a chance to taste it all and it tasted so sweet” Alexis paused for a moment thinking “I knew I would be a successful lawyer but I never imagined having kids or being someone’s wife and living in the house surrounded by the picked fence but I got a taste of it and despite all of my objections or feelings that I deserve none of it… I realized not only do I want it all but I do deserve it all!”

“You do!” Ric painfully agreed “God, you do”

“Well on paper I have it all. But you and I know the truth. You and I know what I’m missing, what stops me from having it all” she said calmly

Ric shook his head knowing very well what the truth was, knowing he was the missing piece of the puzzle

“You know the sad part? I mean the really heart breaking part?” Alexis paused taking a moment to force herself to say what she needed to say “I can do all without you. I can have all of those things without you or at least I can be a great lawyer and a great mother and live in the house surrounded by the picked fence… and maybe its better that way”

Alexis had now taken her eyes from Ric

Her words left her throat dry, her heart pounding, though the truth would set her free

Ric ran his hands through his hair as the movers returned

“Are you ready for the boxes to go in the room where the crib was?” One mover asked finally as he waited for direction

The room with the crib

The room where their baby girl slept

“Yes everything should be in boxes and ready, thank you” Alexis said politely

By the time Alexis looked back to Ric he was pacing the room stopping to fumble with the random things that filled an open box on the floor

“Um there are a few things in there that are yours… You’re um hockey trophy and some pictures I just had developed of Kristina and Chloe… It’s just some things I thought you would want…”

Ric shook his head as he lifted the envelope out of the box with small stack of pictures

A grin immediately covered his face

Chocolate, Kristina and Chloe both covered in chocolate. Chloe obviously thrilled by the new found taste

“Look at them… I can see their mother’s sweet tooth lives on!”

“Well who am I to deny them chocolate!”

“Look, Chloe has it in her hair!” Ric said with a chuckle

“Yeah it was straight to the bathtub afterwards but it was worth it!”

Both Ric and Alexis were grinning, laughing…

But they stopped

Realty stood there between them

Realty stifled their laughter

Ric placed the pictures back in the envelope

“You know, maybe we should um…” Ric struggled to say it “Maybe we should work out a more structured schedule for me to see the girls…”

Alexis was caught off guard

“Ric?”

“Jax was right weeks ago when he said, ‘I should either love you or leave you alone.’ I should leave you alone”

“Ric don’t…”

“Peter is obviously a good guy and you deserve that. And you have a new house and two perfect little girls. You don’t need me constantly hurting you…”

Alexis was caught off guard, she didn’t have an argument ready. No plea, no testimony… She only took slow deep breath after slow deep breath

“Alexis I love you. I – love - you and you’re right you deserve to have it all. And I am the missing piece or maybe just the piece that doesn’t fit right, now… I want you to be happy and I’m only hurting you… I want you to live your life, and if Peter makes you happy ok… Maybe he can fix your heart literally and figuratively… the one that I broke”

“What if I don’t want Peter?” She protested “What if I want you? Then what? You still walk away?”

“I think you like the way Peter makes you feel. I’m even willing to bet it’s a relief to have him in your life… to have him take your mind off of me…”

Her “conceited argument” could have been inserted nicely in to the conversation right then but Ric was right, he was absolutely right. She was relieved that Peter was in her life and even more relieved that he took her mind off of Ric

“So that’s it? You’re giving up on us? You’re waving the white flag?”

“No, I can’t just give up on us. I love you too much. I love our little girls too much. But I’m the one keeping you from having it all”

“You know you don’t have to be”

“I know but until I can get it right… until I can know for certain I can be in your life and not constantly hurt you. Until I know that I can be the missing piece of your much deserved fairytale life… ”

“I told you I never wanted the fairytale”

“But you also just told me how great it is to have it”

She couldn’t argue, she did say that

Alexis stood, her arms folded in to the other

A shield

The shield she had put away but obviously so easily could bring out to protect herself

Ric had worked endlessly to tear down the walls to make that shield disappear… and there it was again

But she needed that shield at that moment. She needed to learn to protect herself once again from Ric Lansing for her own sake

“I’ll call, give you some time to get settled before we talk schedules ok”

Alexis shook her head as tears welled up in her eyes

“Um the girls, they’re at the park this afternoon with Viola if you want….”

Ric shook his head “Thank you I’ll stop by… and thanks for the pictures” he said holding them tight in his hand

Ric then turned to leave but stopped leaning down to get the burnt, mangled, hockey trophy left in the box

Ok. This has to go.

That is my hockey trophy.

This is just wrong.

No. My team and I won regionals when I was 12.

I'm really happy for you and your team, but it can't live here.

No, no, no, no, no, no, thank you. Let go, let go, let go. Please

“I guess I should let go of this” he said holding the hockey trophy “But it means more to me now that it did…. It has better memory to go along with it now”

He walked out the door with the same expression on his face as he walked in

With his eyes clinched shut he could hear her crying as he waited on the elevator

He could hear her trying desperately to cry silently if to try and not cry at all

But she cried

Ric stepped on the elevator bracing the trophy between his chest and his forearm and he pulled the pictures once again from the envelope. Kristina, Chloe, pictures of them together and separately... another and another and the last one… One of him and Alexis and the girls taken at a birthday party for Nicholas

The fairytale she deserved captured in a picture

Tears fell down his face and he didn’t try and stop them

He wanted to cry this time; he deserved to cry

He had ruined her well deserved fairytale

End Ch. 10