Ned, at that one moment, when she had walked away became the most helpless man in the world. He couldnt do anything to console what may be going through her head. And he also couldnt console himself. He couldnt tell himself that he would make everything all right and make her want to have his baby. He knew it was not that she didnt love him it was Alexis, having to face a fear that may just be one-step too far for her.

Water streamed down her eyelashes as she drowned her face in the water coming from the showerhead. She had felt fear before, she had felt broken, she had felt little and weak but she had never felt so uncomfortable in her skin as she did from the moment the word pregnant screamed in to her ear. She stood there for what seemed like forever trying to wash something - anything away, maybe the day, maybe the fear, maybe the life inside of her.

Alexis finally stepped out of the shower. She wrapped her self in a towel and then sat down on the side of the tub. She stared at the floor for a moment in a daze. She thought the sooner she emerged from the bathroom the sooner she would face Ned. Alexis looked up to see herself in the mirror. She wiped off the remaining mascara that circled her eyes as she fought the stinging sensations the touch of her fingers seemed to produce. After doing all that she could not to make herself look in the mirror again her eyes had no where else to go so they fixated themselves on her face and the eyes that were bleeding back at her, and then at her body. Alexis stood up and pulled the neatly tucked towel. She stood there naked to the vision of seeing her body versus how it felt to be in her body. Her body looked normal and she appeared to be healthy and strong and her breasts were more noticeably swollen than usual. She let her hands explore her body, letting her fingertips graze slightly across her stomach. She took a deep breath in and then out. The one moment of solace was quickly over come with her body shaking at the thought of her reality.

Alexis then wrapped her robe tightly around her body and she decided that it was time to stop hiding behind the walls of the bathroom. She opened the door and there was no sight of Ned. She made her way to the stairs and half way down them when she spotted Ned. His eyes were glued to the window though he seemed to be looking at nothing in particular. Alexis walked up behind him still leaving plenty of distance between them.

I could never be more sorry than I am right now

Ned turned leaving a pause from her comment

Sorry for what? Sorry that youre pregnant, sorry that its my baby

Ned! Im sorry for the way I reacted, for the way Im reacting to this

This?

What?

Say it, say what this is!

Ned!

Just say it

Pregnant ok! The way Im reacting to being pregnant!

And it makes you feel?

Ned dont!

How does it make you feel? Scared?

Yes Im scared!

Its natural to be scared

This isnt natural!

Alexis having anxiety about being pregnant is not wrong or

Alexis raised her head until she had made contact with Neds eyes

What about not wanting the baby isnt that wrong?

Ned was stunned by the coldness of her words. He could have never imagined that her feelings were that extreme.

Alexis you dont mean that he shot back

Ned a baby wasnt in the equation

Alexis thats life

Ned its not my life

Ned could no longer stand there and he made his way past her to sit on the edge of the couch

Alexis followed sitting atop the coffee table in front of him

The night we got married

What? he said puzzled by her comment

I got pregnant on our wedding night. We made love all night long without protection

I didnt think

Me either she said agreeing with him not wanting him to take fault

She now seemed to be in a more calm and rational

Alexis if being scared is our only problem then we can make it through

Ned I wasnt meant to be

How do you know? Ever tried it? He said interrupting her

Kids dont even like me she was now making excuses

This baby will love you unconditionally

Ned I, I

Ned grabbed her hand and pressed her palm against her stomach

We created this baby at the one moment in our lives when we had finally become husband and wife. This baby could not have been created out of more passion and more love that it did. He said adamantly. And I never thought I could be more connected to you that I already am. But knowing that inside of you right now is a person that is a part of me and hopefully a whole lot of a part of you, makes me permanently tied to you weather you like it or not. Nothing would bring me greater joy in this world than to see you hold this baby in your arms for the first time, for you for the first time to feel what its like to have someone need you and love you more than anything

Ned tears were now streaming down her face mainly in confusion

Alexis please have my baby! he pleaded with her bowing his head now against her chest

Ned I know the right answer is to tell you that I know everything will be fine and that I know its ok to be scared about this, but its not that simple for me to accept.

Alexis Ned could barely swallow the lump in his throat and he knelt down on his knees in front of her letting the side of his cheek rest against her chest as his arms tried to embrace her. Please Alexis.

Ned dont She wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulling him closer to her I know that you would do anything and I just need to let it sink in. I dont know what Im doing, I dont know what my bodies doing and I dont know how to be pregnant or to be someones mother.

Well learn

Thats it? Well learn?

Just as I promised you when we got married. We will just take things day by day

Baby steps

Yeah baby steps

She took a moment to not seem too hasty and to look at the promise in Neds eyes.

So were having a baby

Thank you, he said letting out the breath that he seemed like he had been holding since the sight of her

Will you come to bed with me? Alexis said intentionally to diverge the subject

Ned followed her up the stairs. It was still only around 9:30 but Alexis had, had a rough day from start to finish.

They lie in bed with his arms devouring her. He didnt know what to say to her without it sounding like a plea or gushing appreciation for agreeing to have his child. Instead he tried to hold her tight in the assurance that he had tried to give her earlier.

Ned drifted off with her body still held close to him. Her eyes still wide stayed fixated on the on the wall in front of her. She had too many thoughts, too many worries to sleep even though the day had worn her out. She kept thinking how horrible of a person she really was not to want to have a baby and then she thought that she could do it but then was it only to satisfy Ned. Finally hours later her eyelids fought at her conscience and finally won letting her sleep.


The next morning she was awoken by the touch of gentle fingers trickling down her face. She opened her eyes to see the icy blue worried eyes starring back at her.

Good morning she said still whispering trying not to startle Alexis as the ends of her fiery red hair rested against the sheets

A smile covered Alexis face at the sight of her.

Are you ok?

Im ok, Alexis said still not finding her voice

I found out this morning that you were taken in to the emergency room yesterday and I was worried sick Kristina said changing her tone

Im so sorry it was nothing! Alexis said not giving her an answer to what had happen

Before Kristina could roll with the questions Alexis opened the cover to let her sister lie down beside her and Alexis wrapped her arms around her

They said you passed out

You were right I was exhausted and I just could take anymore I guess

Alexis you have to take better care of yourself

I will

Kristina turned looking in to the eyes of her sister leaving a quick silence between them

Are you sure thats all that is wrong?

Kristina Im ok

Youre giving off a weird vibe

Im fine

Kristina was almost strangely looking in to the eyes of her sister for the answer

Youre not ok

I said Im fine

Oh God, whats wrong?

Whats wrong with you?

Look me in the eye and tell me nothings wrong and Ill leave it alone

Everythings fine

Kristina saw Alexis jaw tighten and then she sat up and Alexis sat up beside her

I passed out from exhaustion yesterday and the reason why I wore myself out so quickly is because - Im pregnant

What! Alexis thats great why didnt you just Kristina rambled until she saw the expression on Alexis face

Alexis? Whats wrong

Its fine

Nothings wrong with the baby?

No

Then why Alexis?

Sadness had covered Alexis face as she shook her head back and fourth

You dont want the baby do you?

Im trying ok

What? Why? Because youre scared, its ok to be scared Alexis everyones

I dont think Im suppose to have a baby

What do you mean?

Ive just I dont know I dont feel the need. I dont have these maternal instincts

Maternal instincts? Alexis youre the closet thing to a mother I have right now and you do a damn good job making sure Im careful and that Im polite and that I eat and well thats what mothers do

I wouldnt know

Alexis youve been given the chance to experience something that no one could ever teach to you

Tears flowed down Alexis face. Kristina had never seen her cry like that. She had never seen her hands shake uncontrollably with emotion she had never seen her not be in the least bit control of what was happening. Kristina wrapped her arms around her sister and she let her cry. Kristina herself let tears fall down her cheeks at the thought that her sister was unaware of the most beautiful thing in the world was happening to her.

Alexis pulled away letting the back of her hand wipe the last tears that had fallen

Ok, ok she said letting out a deep breath I can do this

And Alexis got out of bed as if nothing had happened and Kristina followed.

Alexis wait Kristina said shaking her head still stunned by the underlying strength of her sister.

Alexis, as if on a mission headed down stairs

Coffee?

Your coffee?

Alexis turned and gave her a disgruntled look

No Im sure Ned made it, she said in a smart tone

Speaking of, where is he?

Actually I have no Idea Alexis said pausing for a moment as if she were trying to remember him telling her where he had gone

A few minutes later Alexis and Kristina had made it to the couch mugs in hand. Ned fumbling through the front door carrying bags and bags of groceries interrupted their conversation.

Honey what is all this?

There groceries

I can see that, why do we have them and so much of them

You have to eat so we as a part or me as a part of the day by day step process of learning how to have a baby is going to learn how to at least well somehow fix this food

Ned how did you even know what to buy?

I went on the Internet and asked and they told me what you need to eat

Its not all healthy is it? Alexis said making a disgusted face

Well no, will power was kinda a problem but I mostly stuck to the list and I even varied a little because I know that my beautiful wife is a bit picky when it comes to well health food

Ok

Alexis was still kinda in shocked by the sight of it all

Speaking of have you had breakfast? Ned already in protective mode

Im having my coffee, She said holding up her mug

You need breakfast, substance, something to eat!

Ned

Alexis

Alexis looked at Kristina

Hes right and you know what Ill make ya something. Ned whats in the bags

You guys are scaring me

I think it only gets worse, Kristina said giving her a big grin while shaking her head