If she could have started the day all over again knowing how it would have been she would have done it in a heart beat

She had sat in her car in the parking garage of her apartment building for almost an hour after she had left Sonny’s house

She wish it were all a blur

But she could play the day vividly over and over in her mind

And she tried desperately not to, but she cried

She cried because she was mentally drained

Because she was tired

She cried because hours earlier had left her husband in their apartment, angry, disappointed… she had left him hurt

She cried because despite all of his protest and angry words she knew how hurt and broken hearted that she had also left Sonny. Because he knew he had no say so whether Kristina could stay or go and that he was truly sad that she was taking his daughter away from him

If she could have started the day all over again knowing how it would have been she would have done it in a heart beat

++++++++

“Hi”

Her voice, calm, now unmistakably familiar

“Hi…where’s Kristina?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

“I left her wrapped up in cartoons …”

She gave a half hearted smile

He flashed that irresistible smile but only for a split second

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, we just… I need to talk to you”

He could sense her uneasiness

“Alexis what is it?”

A nervous laugh

She actually let out a nervous, breathy laugh

“Alexis?” he asked again

Her arms folded against her chest, comforting herself or maybe shielding herself

“I was offered a job in New York” she said, her hesitation relinquishing

He pursed his lips

His dark eyes, staring in to her own

She expected the sound of his voice to jolt her

But it took a moment for him to say anything at all

“And you want to take it?”

His voice an eerie calm, like before a storm

Alexis pulled her eyes from his

It made her nervous

“I’ve already taken the job”

Sonny let out a deep pouting breath, his mind reeling

His hands on his hips thinking, thinking

“Just like that?”

It wasn’t the direct question Alexis expected

She tried to make sense of his question “Just like…”

“You think you can take her away from her father just like that?”

“I know, I know this isn’t fair…”

“You’re damn right this isn’t fair!”

His voice the way she had expected it now

“Trust me I’ve been over and over this the past couple of weeks…”

“You’re taking her away from me, her father”

“You have to understand I don’t want to have to make this decision but I do”

“It won’t happen”

Alexis closed her eyes

She had prepared herself; she had planned for him to react this way

“Sonny, listen to me”

“I’ve heard what you’re saying! And you won’t take her from me!”

“Sonny…” she said trying to keep calm “I have to have a life, I know you understand that”

“You have a life in Port Charles”

“That’s not fair for you to say that! You don’t know what’s right for me or what I need… You can’t say I have a life here or never expect me to change because it suits you. I’m taking this job! I’m taking it for Kristina. So she can have a great life…”

“She’ll have a great life here”

Alexis took a deep breath

“You’re welcome to see her anytime you want” She said ignoring his last comment

He was angry

He wanted to yell

He didn’t

“You can’t take her from me” he said his voice now more calm than before

“I have a wonderful opportunity in New York… I’m taking the job and I know this is a lot to take in and I know it isn’t fair but it’s the way it has to be. You can see her anytime you want. It’s not like you don’t have the resources to do that…”

++++++

Alexis caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. She wiped the tears with the palm of her hand that had fallen down her cheeks

She didn’t want to replay the conversation anymore

But she still sat there in her car, and still every word, every second replayed like a bad dream she couldn’t wake up from

++++++++

He seemed on the verge of tears

Sonny Corinthos had lost joint custody of Kristina. If Alexis wanted to move to New York and take their daughter… by law she could

“No yelling? No throwing things?” Alexis said as if she was daring him as she watched Sonny pace back and forth across his living room floor

He stopped to look at her

“Just tell me you aren’t doing this to get back at me? Tell me this isn’t for revenge. I thought you and I had called a truce. I thought we had worked this thing out between all of us…”

Nothing Sonny just said seemed in his character

He was rational

And though he was angry and hurt, he had been reduced to sadness and an almost pitiful state

“Sonny we had called a truce and I want it to stay that way. I don’t want to rock the boat and I think I would do just about anything for us to continue to be civilized to each other, especially for Kristina’s sake. But Sonny, this is a great opportunity and I can’t pass it up. And I’m sorry that it means taking Kristina to New York but it does…”

“I can’t stop you?”

“No and I really wish you wouldn’t try”

Sonny nodded his head

His mind still reeling

“Sonny…”

+++++++

Sonny was the second man she had left angry and saddened that day

She had left her husband that way… the man she loved, adored

The man she would have done anything in the world not to hurt… she had left him just that, that day

+++++++

“I have to tell him” she confessed as she shuffled in her chair

Ric agreed “We can go today and tell him”

She caught Ric’s eyes as her coffee cup hit the table

“I want to go alone”

“Alexis” Ric quickly protested

“I need to”

“No! I won’t let you go alone! I won’t let him verbally abuse you or start throwing things wildly in your direction!”

“Ric… I have to tell him alone” she insisted her eyes momentarily clinching shut

She was still calm

She never raised her voice

“Alexis I think I can honestly say I’m not the one who brings out the worst in him… you go over there and he might go ballistic… you don’t know what his reaction will be”

She knew that

She knew that she did bring out the worst in him

Sonny fought harder

Barked louder

For her

She brought out the worst in him because she once was the one who brought out the best

“Ric… he has to hear it from me. We had called a truce now, now I have to tell him I ‘m taking Kristina further away from him. And not only am I taking her away but I’m also reminding him that his brother will be raising his child in his absence. If you’re there it’s not going to soften the blow”

“I have no expectations when it comes to Sonny having any kind of rational reaction Alexis. So having me there or not is not going to make any difference. But I do want to be there…”

“Please just let me do this, trust that I can handle it”

Ric rubbed at his eyes

“I just love you and I don’t want anyone to purposefully hurt you… With Sonny you know…”

“With Sonny I have my guard up; with Sonny I expect the reaction I get… Ric please”

Ric shook his head and gave her a harsh look

“Go” he said bluntly

“Honey” she said almost pleadingly

“You’ll do what you want to anyway Alexis”

His voice had turned cold

“I want to do this the best way I know how and I do believe this is the best way to handle it”

“Then go” he said frustrated

Alexis’ argument was beginning to make circles

“I don’t want it to be this way with you”

“Then tell me how am I supposed to react?”

“I know why you don’t want me to go alone to see him but please just trust me to handle this?”

“And what do I do? Wait here? Wait here while I go over and over in my head what irrational reaction he’s having at that moment towards my wife?”

She sat at the table for a few moments longer

Then stood staring at him, her eyes seeming as if they could pierce his skin

“I finally have the nerve to tell him… Please just have faith in me”

The look on her face was breaking his heart

But he had to make his peace

He had to stand firm about wanting to protect her, or at least wanting to be by her side

But he watched her

Watched her put her purse on her shoulder

Watch her eyes search for her keys before they were gripped tightly in to her hand

He watched her close the door behind her, leaving him behind

She left him to see Sonny… alone

+++++++

She won…

The thought made Alexis laugh nervously

That day she had won against Sonny Corinthos

She had gotten her wish, her wish from day one to take Kristina from him

But at this time it wasn’t her wish at all

They had called a truce, and he had with much doubt learned to respect Alexis’ wishes on how to keep their daughter safe…

But today she left him sitting on the couch with promises that he could have Kristina tomorrow for the day, so he could spend time with her before they were gone

She had her daughter, her husband, her job in New York

And she cried

Tears once again streaming down her face in the driver’s seat of her car

She began to dig in her purse for a Kleenex

Deep breath in, a deep breath out

One more swipe at her tears

“I’m not crying for or over Sonny Corinthos” she tried to remind herself “And Ric… God he just wants me to be happy, he wants me to be safe…”

An attempt at composure

And she found herself on the elevator back to her apartment, their apartment     

She was no longer feeling like the mighty and invincible Natasha Cassadine that made her want to go alone, that made her bold and unrelinquishing

She was beat up and exhausted

His eyes opened instantly at the sound of the door

He was lying on the couch, asleep

Kristina snuggled across his chest sleeping peacefully

Her tearstained eyes gave her away

Ric looked at her almost horrified

He tried to jump up but realized he still had a sleeping toddler in his arms

Alexis shook her head stopping him as her keys hit the table

She made her way to the couch

Ric sat up shuffling Kristina in his arms doing his best not to wake her

“What did he do?”

His voice soft… but already angry

“Nothing, nothing… it’s just been… an awful day… just, I just want it to end”

Ric pulled his arm around her

“Just tell me you’re ok, that he didn’t hurt you?” Ric asked almost begging

“I’m ok” Tears were welling up in her eyes “He reacted, he… he was strangely calm and he reacted just the way I thought he would and then… then, I  thought he was going to breakdown in front of me… I’m taking his daughter away. He compromised with me and now I’m taking his daughter away…”

“Alexis, Alexis you’re just doing what you have to do. You have to live your life and make a life for Kristina…”

“That’s what I told him”

“Sweetheart, he has to accept that”

“I just, I don’t want…”

“She’ll be safe and happy. But she’ll also know who her father is and you told him he could visit her?”

Alexis shook her head yes

“This is a big transition but life, it inevitably will change and sometimes we have to be selfish when it comes to making decisions about change. This was all your decision, and it was a great decision for us, us Alexis” he said making sure his eyes were locked in to hers “Remember the thing about having a great life?” Ric wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek

“I just know how much he’ll miss her”

“He will, he will” Ric said agreeing sincerely

Ric then kissed her on the forehead

“Hey it’s been a long day. Why don’t we put Kristina to bed and you and I go get in bed ourselves. We’ll hide from the world under the covers” he said letting out a slight smile

Alexis shook her head agreeing

Ric stood with Kristina

“Ric?”

“Hmm” he said watching her stand

“I’m sorry”

His hand went to her cheek and gave her a quick kiss

“It’s ok”

“No it’s not. It was as if I was almost trying to shut you out this morning. It was the old me trying to handle everything on my own. When I know I’m not on my own anymore… I’m sorry”

“Ok, ok” he said giving her a smile to let her know everything was really ok

Ric then handed Kristina to Alexis

What the doctor ordered

They way that little girl felt in her arms

“Why don’t you put her to bed and I’ll be in for a kiss goodnight in a minute” he suggested

Alexis smiled

She loved the way he knew her, the way he knew what her cure was

The way he knew what the only thing was that could attempt to erase a day she wanted to wish away…