She made an excuse

She waited for him to open his eyes, for him to smile at the sight of him waking up next to her

And then she made an excuse of why she needed to go, where she needed to be

He couldnt stop her



Safe and sound

Her apartment

Water running down her face

Her hair turned to curls

Her hand shook as she turned the knobs

The water stopped

She wished she could turn off that way

She stood there forgetting to reach for her towel, forgetting that she was freezing

She stood there staring at herself in the mirror, staring at her body

Water slid like tears down her arms and legs

Down her stomach

A stomach that should be growing

She touched her stomach gently as if it actually hurt

Her baby

She had lost her baby

The one thing she never thought she would have, she didnt

The bathroom floor

Subconsciously she found herself sitting on the bathroom floor

It hurt

The loneliness hurt

Her sister gone, her baby gone

It hurt

She breathed in and then forcefully breathed out

She made herself believe she deserved her life once again

Her mother, her father, Helena, her sister, her babyNed

It was a life of her own

She pushed herself up from the floor grabbing her robe and she wrapped it tightly around her

The day was gloomy, sky gray

She didnt turn on a light only let the gray fill the rooms

The light blinking on the answering machine

Alexis its Jax, are you there? Alexis pick up if youre there ok look if you get this message before its too late maybe we could have breakfast Alexis please call me back

Alexis closed her eyes and pressed erase on the machine

She looked around

Everything was the same, nothing a mess, nothing out of place

Nothing had been touched

Her suits hung in the closet, her high heels lined up neatly

Nothing had been touched

She dressed

Faded jeans and the sweatshirt she had wore home

The sleeves stretched down below her hands and she bundled the ends in her palms
Like a security blanket

It smelled like him

A shirt hardly anyone would ever see him in

Except on a late night, a night when he was at home, when he was relaxed

Usually she would work, life went wrong Alexis Davis would work

She hadnt read a word or wrote a thing

She sat on the couch feet tucked under her, the sleeves of the sweatshirt still bundled in her in her hands

She loved him

And she needed him, but she wouldnt

The phone rang, it startled her but she only watched it ring over and over until the machine picked up

Alexis, its Jax again look Im worried about you okcall

Alexis turned her head towards the window as snow began to melt down the windowpanes

It clouded her view of the only light she had